| I've
bought some frozen
I've
bought some frozen
Food
It's melting quietly in the other room.
I know I should get up and
Put it away.
But I'm really not in the
Mood.
George
Clooney
George
Clooney
eats salted peanuts from a pint glass?
Say what you like, e.g.,
''Foreign. Language. Dictionaries,''
that is high class.
More
at: The
Journal of Asinine Poetry
A
routine
Got
home. Said to the wife: "What are you doing
here? You and your husband live next door".
Got
home. Said to the knife: "If I had known cutlery
could talk I would have attempted to speak to you
earlier".
Got
home. Said to the mice: "Get off that phone.
You're costing me a fortune with all those long
distance calls to Mouseland".
Got
home. Said to the rice: "No thanks. I don't
want your expert advice - this is not your field".
Got
home. Opened the door. No one there. So I went up
the stairs. Goldilocks was in my bedroom. So I ran
downstairs into the kitchen, checked the cupboards
and ran back upstairs. "You stupid cow".
I said to her. "I've told you before. Stop
eating my porridge".
Got
home. Opened the door. No one there. Went upstairs.
There's a big dairy cow in my bedroom. So I ran
down stairs into the kitchen. Checked the cupboards.
Ran back upstairs and said to the cow: "You
stupid cow. You should be outside, playing with
the other cows. In the field".
Got
home said to my shoe: "You're on my foot. Get
off my foot" etc etc "Ow" etc.'
Story:
Giant Rabbits
Many
years ago...
"Yup"
said Karl, in his greenhouse, cap on head, 'phone
in hand. Robert the rabbit draped around his neck.
"Karl
Schlincky the farmer / breeder of giant rabbits
- with the dour expression on his pudgy face?"
"Yup
that's me" said Karl, who spoke remarkably
good English for someone who was German and couldn't
speak English.
"Great!
My name's Clive. I'm one of North Korea's leading
TV pet doctors." came the voice out of the
'phone.
Robert
the 10kg rabbit shifted uneasily on his owner's
shoulders. Maybe with his great size came increased
intelligence, or powers of premonition. Or maybe
he was hungry and considering eating Karl.
The
greenhouse was warm under the German sun.
"We'd
like to invite you to North Korea" continued
Clive. "We're wanting some giant rabbits. Do
you do squirrels, too? Anyway we want to invite
you to our country so that we can extract from you
the hints and tips of your fledgling giant creature
breeding programme. Of course, this being the North
Korea you've read about, we'll do the extracting
in a secretive way."
So
Karl bade farewell to his wife and climbed into
his van. It took ages for Karl and Robert to reach
North Korea. The van was more suited to transporting
vegetables to the local farmer's market. It wasn't
very fast or comfortable.
Despite
Clive's fine words Karl only met Kim Jong-Il, the
de facto head of North Korea's state and government,
once. And that was briefly at the official welcoming
ceremony.
Karl
told Kim Jong-Il about how he feeds Robert lots
of spring rolls. Kim didn't look suprised. Karl
suspected he wasn't listening. From what he could
make out, Kim Jong-Il, had bet Kim Yong Nam, the
President of the Supreme People's Assembly, £10
that Karl was really really small which made the
rabbits in the newspaper photos look larger. Karl
couldn't be sure of this.
When
the people's band stopped playing and the giant
rabbit banners were taken down from the great assembly
hall, Karl was led away to a concrete prison. Later
he was moved to another more secretive facility
when tests confirmed he wasn't concrete.
In
a reflective mood, Karl thought back to when he
began breeding giant rabbits. He had not anticipated
the great personal cost.
Big
furry Robert looked on from a nearby bridge.
The
end
|
